Today I have been quite distracted.  Fernando went home today.  I admit that I am much more sad about his departure than I thought I would be.  He was only here for a week but it felt longer.  Like he had always been here.  He got along so well with my roommates that they were asking when he'd be back.  I felt so comfortable with him being here.  It was nice coming home to someone after class or work.  And it wasn't like he didn't keep himself busy while I was gone.  He kept our space nice and tidy, taking out the trash or doing dishes.  It was like he was a part of our family.  

When I got home from dropping him off at the Greyhound, I noticed that he had left a message on our bathroom wall.  It really made me smile and fell a little choked up at the same time.  I really like this guy.

I'm trying to do some homework and all I do is think about him.  I feel so silly.  I need to wake up and get a grip on life.  I will get to see him next weekend when I go to visit St. Louis for President's Day weekend.  

Other than Fernando leaving, today has been pretty uneventful.  My roommate, Lindsey, and I went to look at apartments for the summer.  We did find one that we really liked.  It is a little further than where we live now, which is OK.  We are looking at a few more places before we make our final decision.  We'll see how that goes.  

Till another day.... 

So, today was pretty good.  Kind of low key.  I slept in and watched a little TV.  After lunch I headed to campus for a meeting with my adviser and class.  After class I met up with my friend, Fernandos.

He has been visiting me for the last week.  He is heading home tomorrow and I must admit that I am kind of sad.  It was really nice having someone, other than a family member, come and visit me.  What is our relationship exactly?  Just friends for now.  I think that at this time we are both not really ready for a more intimate relationship.  But I really like this starting things slow and really getting to know each other.

It will be interesting to see how our relationship evolves.  Right now everything is new but we try to be as real with each other as possible.  I am a super optimist so I'm sure that things will work out.

Although, I must say that I am working at trying to not put myself fully out there.  I so easily fall.  And I get hurt easily.  I don't want to totally wall up my heart but I will work on being more cautious.  We'll see how that goes.

On a lighter note... in my sociology class we talked about aging in US culture and the Professor asked how old is old.  Someone shouted "Thirty!"  I was a little taken back.  I don't think thirty is old.  But that may be because I am thirty.  And I guess to a twenty-one year old thirty is old.  I do know that when I was younger I totally thought I would be more accomplished before my twenty-fifth birthday.  But we see how that went.  I wanted marriage, two kids, and a career.  I didn't get married for at least another year, I have no kids, and well... a career?  I'm in school for that now.  It's funny how things change.  How reality can really kick your butt.

I have a totally new perspective and new goals for my future.  Get out of debt.  Live somewhere that makes me happy.  Find my true home.  Travel outside the US.  Kids?  Sure why not.  But I'm not really in a rush.  And I actually don't mind adopting, if that's what I'm going to have to do.  Marriage?  Probably not, unless I find that AMAZING guy.

I just want to live life.  My life.  I am so done with living to make other people happy.  Doing that made me miserable.  And I think that my thirties will be my time of self discovery.  I'm really excited for this period of my life and I can't wait to see how it all works out.

Till another day....